Thursday, September 1, 2011

She Had The World

He was never going to give me the world, but I made myself believe that he would. I was young. I didn't want to know what more there could be to life, or what less.
My life rotated around him. Every second that passed by, always brought me back to a thought of him. I couldn't stop myself from being in love with the very thing that would kill me....

Five years ago, I was living. Living with the people who loved me the most. I didn't realize their love until it was too late.
"Honey, you need to hurry up, I'll be late for work!"
"Sorry mom, I'm trying"
That morning, I had dropped hot chocolate all over my dress. There was no way in hell that I was going to go to school with chocolate stains on my white dress.
I made her go back. I made her take me all the way back home to change.

"You know, I do make the money for you to live on"
"Yeah mom, but do you really think that I would want to go to school looking like a fool?"

I didn't understand how hard it was. I really didn't understand a single thing.
My life was like a roller coaster back then. One minute I'd be having the best day of my life, and the next, I would be crying over spilt milk. My parent's tried so hard to give us the life that they always wanted, the live that they so desperately wanted for us. I didn't realize the carpal tunnel that my mother had developed was so bad. I didn't realize how hard it was for my father to be working as a salesman in a fishing shop, carrying heavy boxes full of fishing reels. I just thought of myself and my happiness.

I didn't think much about boys back then. I had too much pressure to focus on my education, but of course, I'd occasionally wonder about how it would be like to hold someones hand. To touch them, kiss them. I wanted that love that they shared. Those couples that you see. All of them. I so wanted it all. I coveted it. Wished for every second of it to touch me.

I had never noticed him before. They said he was like a model. Beautiful tan muscular skin. I didn't know what to think, other than be happy that someone was actually interested in me. Someone actually wanted me the way that I had always hoped someone would. Was it real?


The way that he touched my hand for the first time. All I could remember was sweet euphoria. Every pore in my body tingled. I felt he was mine. All of him, every inch of him. I wanted him more than anything I had ever wanted. All because he made me feel something that I had never felt before. He made me experience what it felt like to love and believe.

And then things went downhill.

He touched me and it was perfect, but it was all a lie. Every single part of it. Every dying moment of my life was a living moment for him. He made me feel pleasure I didn't know I could feel, but he also made me feel sadness that I had never experienced before either.

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